The sound of a brook

I have not been sleeping well for the last week.* I’ve always had a certain sleep pattern. Fall asleep in seconds then wake up between 2 and 3am, stay awake for 30 minutes then out. But on the bad weeks my 2am wake up includes 3 hours of restless annoyance before I fall asleep for two more hours. This is my pattern this week.

I dream vividly normally. The less sleep I get the more vivid my morning dreams become. I hate waking up because I want to enjoy the movie. This week all my dreams have had the same theme and I am not enjoying it. In every dream I am sickly and weak Something is happening that I cannot control because of how sick I am.

I’ve been listening to books that include animals as detectives and so as an interesting addition my dreams have all also included small animals. Last nights dream was over-run with animals and children and bugs.***

Now, I have to confess that I have not felt at my best for the last week or so. For some reason my lung is extra tight and there have been a couple of nights when I feel like I’m waking up because I’m having trouble breathing.
I think it’s actually a musculature issue not a scar tissue issue because I’ve had problems with my TOS and that causes my breathing to become shallow. Shallow breathing is not good.


This weekend we went to Kohls so my husband could look at sweatshirts and I picked up a couple of bras. When I got home I realized they had not removed the ink filled safety device. Yesterday I ran back to Kohls for device removal.

I was oddly anxious about this. I walked in the doors and immediately in front of me was a smiling woman and a man in a wheelchair. The woman said hello and I realized she was wearing name tags so I assume she worked there, because I am smart like that. So I asked her if she could help me or if I needed to go back to customer service. She and the man in the wheel chair both immediately said – security tag left on? I said yes, the woman took the bag, walked three feet away, removed the tag, and brought it back to me. 90 seconds in and out. Not much of a story, right?

I got out to the car and realized that contrary to my normal nature I did not acknowledge the man in the wheel chair. Which led me to ponder this for a few moments. I believe I did not acknowledge him because of my heightened anxiety and I assumed he was a customer talking to the manager, not an employee. In retrospect I believe he was also a manager of some type. So I feel bad that maybe he felt unacknowledged because he was in the wheelchair, and also, I didn’t realize how rare it was to see an adult in a wheelchair out and about in a store. But it is. that’s a shame.

*I believe this is a sentence that 75% of women over the age of forty will read and nod their head in sympathy and affirmation.**

**99% of all statistics are made up on the spot

*** Also something bit me on the elbow and it’s itchy!


  • Nina Brown

    November 1, 2022 at 2:46 pm Reply

    Could your observation of your breathing be playing out in your night cycle consciousness that you are Ill. Just because if the bug dream issue, you MUST stop watching whatever you are watching 😘

    • Tracy

      November 1, 2022 at 2:50 pm Reply

      Absolutely, on both points!

      • Susan Joos

        November 1, 2022 at 4:10 pm Reply

        Anxiety absolutely causes a kind of tunnel vision. I have had several instances where I accidentally stepped in front of someone because I was so anxious at what I had to do (and I had “rehearsed” it so I couldn’t deviate from the script, lol), and of COURSE I would never go in front of someone on purpose but I swear I was not even aware that they were there…

        Dreams are crazy things, aren’t they? Sometimes mine are great but not lately. It’s a relief to wake up then. Hope you sleep cycle resets!

        I am going to be in a swivet if I get any kind of bug bite next week. We have an upcoming trip where we will be staying in accommodations for a few days and I have a deathly fear of bedbugs and bringing them home. Also my body goes into itchy overdrive at any kind of irritation like that. Sometimes hydrocortisone cream calms it, and also an antihistamine sometimes helps.

  • Tracy

    November 2, 2022 at 12:27 pm Reply

    Aaaahhhhh! BedBugs!! I try to never think about them or I drive myself crazy!

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