Many many years ago a woman I know was telling a story about her child and child rearing practices. It is not my nature to tell any parent how to raise their children so I had to wait this long until they were no longer in my life.
This woman was a single mother raising her daughter. She wanted her daughter to be strong and tough and not ever put up with bullies or people trying to push her around and coerce her into doing anything.
At this particular moment she was complaining about her child. The mother had many rules apparently and strictly enforced them. One of her rules was about loading the dishwasher. It was imperative that all eating utensils be separated and sorted in the dishwasher. This was non negotiable. Spoons with Spoons, forks with forks, etc…
So she was complaining that sometimes her daughter would put a spoon with the forks. She was solving this problem by not washing the dishes, and when they were out of dishes, then the daughter had to use dirty dishes. The daughter was not allowed to wash dishes.
I have written this up a number of times and I think I have always marked it private. I need to find a way to let go of it. I know that I was not a perfect parent and I am sure there were many things that drove my kids crazy but I tried so so hard to not force my will onto them when my will was really a whim without basis. I think about this woman frequently, well, honestly when I load the dishwasher.
I don’t think she is a bad person or in any other way abusive but I think she must have been raised to follow someone elses’ will and that is the only way she knows to raise children.