I’m angry today. It’s my low chemical day which makes me cranky. Usually I am a quiet kind of cranky during chemo week but today I am starting to feel ragey. I’ve been thinking about it all day and trying to really narrow in on what is going on. I have figured out what is triggering me and it makes me angrier.
I have been having my Vitamin D levels monitored since I was diagnosed as osteopenic. I’ve tried all the different types of supplements and mixing them with different things for absorption. Now it’s warm and beautiful and I’m tan and glowing so I’m also getting the bonus Vitamin D. Except my levels went down again as of Monday. WTF! I realized it has made me angry. Just full out angry. I am tired of doing all these things to try and stay healthier and be strong. Why can’t I stop breaking?
One of the causes of Vitamin D deficiency can be related to kidney & Liver disease. I have kidney disease, I do not have liver disease but my liver enzymes (which promote absorption of vitamins) are just terrible. It’s the chemo drugs. That is one of the side effects.
It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong, I am a failure. I am old, ugly and too stupid to be able to care of myself. I mean, it doesn’t help that I someone who is small and furry kept waking me up early this morning and then I misread the clock and got up really early, so I am tired and nauseated and apparently fatigued and cranky from a lack of vitamin D.
Tomorrow will be better. OR ELSE