Somehow in the last few years a part of my personality has evolved and it came to my attention recently. I think it is a good thing. I think I, at this more advanced age am finally finding balance in my need to be liked / need to be genuine.
This morning this image was on my Facebook;
Thanks Rich, this helped me understand what I was feeling.
I really enjoy getting to know people. I love having a variety of types of people that I can spend time with and learn about their lives. I have always loved this but it also caused me problems. When you have many acquaintances you need to accept that they are in fact acquaintances and not close friends, and that it is okay.
It use to hurt my feelings and I had trouble figuring out why. I expected things to always be even. People would like or have the exact same interest in me, that I had in them, but, really, that is not how life works. I can find you very interesting and love to spend occasional time with you and then walk away. I do not need to be your best friend. I am okay with that.
I think of it sort of like visiting a museum. I have been to our local museum* hundreds of times. I have no stake in the museum. Still occasionally I get the urge to go visit again. To see if anything is new, to see what captures my attention this time. To reacquaint myself with old favorites. Not everyone feels this way. Some people may only go to the museum once in their life and they are done. There is nothing there that holds their interest or makes them want to see more.
So despite what the meme says sometimes I go places where I am not celebrated but I do it with intent and not neediness. I go to catch up on people whose lives have touched me enough that I am curious about what is new or what has changed but I do not need to be a Patron. Like a pop-up museum instead of a hundreds year old grand architecture building. Maybe the pop-up is really nice and I would like to see it again but it is only temporary, and that is just the way it is. I can still like it even if it is gone.
Friends are more like a favorite restaurant that you go to regularly. You are comfortable but there is always something a little different that you need to check out. Sometimes you go and spend a long time on a big meal, sometimes you just get a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate cake.
The actual take away from this for me, is that it is my choice. I can like someone a little, or a lot. How I feel about you does not always have to be how you feel about me. It is okay for me to like, or not like someone based solely on my feelings. I am not sure I am explaining this in a way that makes sense but it is clarified in my head which was my intent.
*The Toledo Museum of Art is spectacular and not what you would expect if you only know Toledo from the outside. I recommend a trip.
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