I’ve been very vestibular the last couple of weeks. Probably the weather change. One of the stranger things that happens is that my brain senses movement where this no movement. For instance as I type this I can see the chair in the other room rocking. It’s not. It’s actually worse when I look directly at the object, then it becomes vertigo. If you’ve ever had vertigo you know it is to be avoided at all costs! But my point is that I am watching Haelstrom on Hulu about demons and such so seeing my furniture move is making me a little jumpier than usual.
We have a big change coming to our household and it’s driving me a little crazy that I can’t help more. I would like to just take charge and arrange things, but it’s not my place. As hurdles come faster and faster I can feel the coiling up of tension around me and it’s very difficult not to do what I can to make things easier. I just remind myself that in six months everything will be different. It always is. It’s kind of one of my little coping mechanisms. When something difficult is going on I think of the thousands of other difficult things that have gone on in life and that usually within a six month period, everything is different.
Today is chemo day. Last chemo day I ended up getting sicker than I have been in many years 48 hours later. I believe I had some form of food poisoning but there is that little part of my brain that wonders if it was actually an extreme reaction to my chemo drug. Some people do have that reaction, I am just not usually one of them.
Feeling a little emo angsty today, can you tell ? 🙂