Know your Limits

Then, Push-Push-Push

I have had a lot of physical changes in the last few months. Some good, some not so much.

I am always aware of what is going on and try to work with and around things. Stop the bad shit, encourage the good stuff.

I recently took my 4th dose of Boniva and I am certainly able to see the reactions to that. It makes me sick for about 5 days. That is not quite accurate, not sick, just not normal. My stomach hurts whenever I eat and I have no appetite. So, I am eating exceptionally small meals. That helps. I believe it is also making by bones hurt. Not all of them, just the ones that were having problems to begin with. Any place with arthritis seems to be now permanently angry. I also noticed places that have had injuries that may or may not have been small fractures are now very painful.

For instance, I dropped something right here a couple of years ago. I think it was a heavy glass. (Sorry Nina)

There is a mark on the top that has never gone away, a permanent bruise is how I think about it but underneath is the real problem. The bones do not move right, they do not bend correctly. A few months ago they started hurting. So now when I walk if those bones come into contact with something solid, it hurts. A lot. There are three or four spots on my body now experiencing these new pains. My fingers can be quite bad.

I also had a wake-up call at the park last week. Mr. Tracy & I went to Toledo Botanical Gardens. I went to refill Pokémon balls and I got smacked right in the ego with my inability to breathe out and about. Mr. Tracy put it very succinctly, No more hiking for Tracy.

The Boniva also makes my hair fall out. It is one of those side effects not officially listed but that all the people on it know about. On day 3 or 4 after taking it my scalp starts itching. Then day 6 or 7 I start losing a lot of hair. Luckily it only lasts for a couple of days and it seems to be getting better as the months go.


I am the smallest I have been in 30 years, and it is a healthy small. Eating all the small meals has made me lose about 5 pounds but it is all fat and I have a higher muscle percentage than I did four months ago. I may not be able to walk and breathe at the same time but I am stronger that I have been in a ver long time. I wear a size I cannot even image being able to wear and if it weren’t for my primordial pouch I would have visible abs! I am still holding out hope there. 🙂

My sleep pattern is just borked now. I am sleeping 30 minutes, awake 30 minutes. Last night I think I had a panic attack while I was sleeping and it woke me up. It was terrible. I couldn’t feel safe, I couldn’t reconcile where my brain was telling me I was with where I felt like I was. This is my next thing to work on. I have to find a way to consistently get reasonable sleep.

I skipped yesterdays chemo (summer break) and have been using my time to get some projects done. For instance washing the floor in the closet under the stairs. It is about 6 feet deep with a sloping down roof so at the front normal height, back 2 feet. Which makes it the perfect place to throw all the garbage. Uhg. But, done except for a shoe rack that should be delivered today.

My only other project is my foyer. Pull out the coat rack/dog leash holder and clean it, sort it, and move it. use that spot to have 2 recycling bins (we have to have them by the front door so the dogs do not help themselves, fancy aren’t we?) one or our recycling and the other for just cans so they can be picked up separately by people who recycle cans for money. We will see how that goes.

All caught up on my health and well being timeline for post Tracy generations. 🙂

Oh, I need to buy 2 10lb dumbbells!


  • Nina Brown

    August 9, 2023 at 3:33 pm Reply

    Hahahahaha. I opened to the online page and laughed out loud when I saw the pic and then you calling me out!!

    Sleep anxiety is my thing right now too! 🫨

    • Tracy

      August 9, 2023 at 3:58 pm Reply

      You would think sleep would be the easy part wouldn’t you?

  • itsmemb

    August 9, 2023 at 6:12 pm Reply

    So is the no hiking because of smoke or is it even when the air quality is good? I am really sorry. That sucks.

    Panic attacks are awful to have. I can’t imagine waking up with one. That must have been so discombobulating. I have heard that while in the midst of one a person should count to ten but not count in order. Like 1, 6, 3, 2 and so on.

    I am sorry about the bone pain. Is it normal that the medicine causes that?

    Craig struggles with sleep so I kinda get where you are coming from with the sleep issues. Not getting enough sleep is maddening.

    Oh, 10 pound dumbbells! Impressive!

    • Tracy

      August 10, 2023 at 6:57 pm Reply

      Hmmm, when I was looking up bone pain as a side effect I discovered sleeplessness as a common side effect!

      • itsmemb

        August 10, 2023 at 7:31 pm Reply

        Whoa! That would explain a lot.

  • Tracy

    August 10, 2023 at 12:16 pm Reply

    Unfortunately I don’t think it’s the smoke. Just loss of lung function.
    I’ve never heard that method for the panic attack. If I ever have another one I will try that.
    The Boniva side effects do list bone pain. I hope I don’t have to take it for too long. I think the normal course is 2 to 5 years. Hopefully I’m in the shorter group.

    • itsmemb

      August 10, 2023 at 7:33 pm Reply

      Do have a pulmonologist? Have you checked in with them lately?

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